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Brazilian women are more than a gringo's sex dream

Amidst the sexed-up excitement of men clamouring to reach Brazil and indulge their fantasies all sense of reality seems to go missing. So I'm going to put a little of it back into the discussion, especially if you are reading this eyeing off a first time trip. Brazilian women it's fair to say are the most searched and discussed topic by men travelling here, they have a global reputation unparalleled. I was going to avoid the topic since it’s been written on more than enough by gringos fixated on the bunda, but an article called 'How to have sex with Brazilian women' was posted on my female friend’s Facebook the other day.

You might know the type, a step-by-step guide written by a pick-up artist who needs a formula and buzz words to con the opposite sex into thinking he’s not a loser.

Full of cliches and self-aggrandising compliments about “establishing his presence” and wooing women in clubs with his “dance floor game”, who better to dissect his flawed thoughts than a Brasiliera.

“I just threw up in my mouth a little bit,” she said halfway through reading it, “I can't go too deep on something so shallow”.

My friend, aged in her early 20s, set down her problems with his advice, starting with how the guy doesn’t even know how to spell their name correctly:

• Brazileira

• Women are feminine and follow the man’s lead.

• You see people having beach sex so often that you start to tune it out.

• She will do everything in her feminine power to help you.

• Brazilian girls love getting approached.

• Aggressively pulled one in, putting his hands all over her body, and kissed her (which is looked upon as lightly as a handshake in Brazil).

• Brazilian women are the most sexual women you will ever encounter.

• Women from Brazil are also very high maintenance.

• They never set foot in public without makeup, form-fitting clothing, and heels.

• As long as you… screw her like there’s no tomorrow she will… cook for you, take care of you, stay hot in the sheets, happily remain in her feminine role.

She elaborated saying, “We're tired of guys coming here just for the women and that sex tourism is kinda gross.

“My main issue with the fetishisation of Brazilian women is that it most often dehumanises us, for better or worse, either painting us as goddesses of some sort or sex kittens.

“The stereotyping does the same by disindividualising us, and creates an idea of what a Brazilian woman should look and act like that only exists in the wet dreams of horny delusional gringos.

“I honestly don't think Brazilian women are all that different from "Western" women as that guy made out to be, so I don't think these guides on how to get Brazilian women are really that helpful.”

So what's behind this perception? The small bikinis, curvy bodies, outgoing personalities, flamboyant carnival outfits and samba moves have all played into the image, as well as the country's history of mixing between European, native Indian and African people.

All this pushed through the mass media seems to have set the image in stone in minds across the globe, according to this article by a Brazilian woman translated below.

"It is generally considered that the Brazilians are very uninhibited, "hot", warm and always ready to do anything in bed. It is as if the country were a kind of sexual paradise," the author writes.

"This myth is also present in the disclosure of a type of country in tourism advertising, promoting, for example, the image of the mulatta: a very liberated woman sexually, "hot" and "fiery", the result of miscegenation between a white man with a black woman.

"Advertising diffuses an image of a country in which people walk almost naked on the beaches, with mulattas, so that there is an association between the carnival images and a sexual paradise."

Brazil has over 100 million females and they don’t all look and act like curvaceous beach babes. Confident, fun, friendly and down-to-Earth are words synonymous with Brazilian women though and not for no reason.

But behind those outer appearances many are also intelligent, career-driven, family-oriented and probably don’t have that much time for gringo games.

This is a country where a woman up until recently was president, Dilma Rousseff, while Graça Foster until last year was the CEO of government oil giant Petrobras and was regularly featured in lists of the world's most powerful women.

According to Brazilian government data women live longer (78.3 verses 70.7 for men), are better educated and vote more than men, while they are increasingly having babies later and in less numbers (1.8 per woman compared to 2.4 in 2000).

Despite this they only take home 68% of what a man earns and the number of women in federal parliament at under 10% is low by global standards.

And back to the point of the article, a nationwide survey of 15 to 64 year olds revealed just 10% of Brazilian women have slept with more than 10 people in their lives while 40% of Brazilian men said they have.

From me the advice is simple: be friendly, open and warm and don’t concoct situations and contrive parts of your personality which aren’t real in a desperate bid to build chemistry and attraction that isn’t there naturally.

And also don't be surprised if a Brazilian girl isn't interested in men at all. The country at least in the big cities is very tolerant of gay relationships and you'll see young women walking hand in hand.

If a Brasileira does like you then she probably won’t be shy in letting you know, but that doesn’t give you a green light for sex, groping or acting arrogantly.

“There's that idea that you can just pull girls and touch them because they're more open sexually and that's not true,” my friend said.

“That is harassment, in Brazil and elsewhere. That guy said kissing a girl randomly is taken just as lightly as a handshake in Brazil, that is insane.”

Another Brazilian friend of mine simply uses the stereotype to her advantage.

“The whole stereotype deal is definitely annoying, but on the other hand I do play the Brazilian card quite often, so I can't really complain,” she said.

“Saying your Brazilian equals instant attraction. Guys automatically assume you're more confident sexually because you come from a country where sex is so banal, I guess.”

So to finish, as difficult as it may be, try not to be starstruck by Brazilian women. Behind the haze of exotic attraction, most are just living their lives and when sex comes along want it to be reached naturally and without a checklist.

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